On top of being late to the things that happen in daily life I sometimes feel like I am late to what society tells me is a real, adult, life. I grew into adolescence in a smallish town in Southern Oregon. The majority of the populous are traditional-value holding, conservative, and are quite religious. Which is all great and good, I suppose, but those 3 life-shapers have never really been a part of my upbringing. My parents are secular, liberal, democrats who voted for Clinton, Gore, Kerry, and Obama. My mom is uber-pro-choice and she's is uber-pro-gay rights. When DADT was repelled she posted, in her FaceBook status how happy she was, but now it was time to make gay marriage legal throughout the land. But really, we can talk about my mom later.
The thing is that I feel like I am somehow being left behind when I look at my FaceBook feed and I see all the updates about engagements, trimesters starting or ending, weddings, infants rolling over, toddlers being, well toddlers. And it's fine, it really is. But I feel like I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. I think I might be one of 4 girls in my year that isn't engaged or married or with child.
Ok, that is a bit of an exaggeration.
But even on here, if you click the 'next blog' link you will, almost always, stumble upon family or mommy blogs. Which is fine, but where are the rest of us women who aren't there yet? I am enjoying this scenic route even though if I feel a bit guilty that I haven't produced an heir.
But I feel like I am, some how, falling behind. In life. Like I am not moving fast enough. Or that the 21 year old girl who is married with a newborn is somehow having a more fulfilling life than me. Or at least I think that is how traditional society wants me to feel. However, I am in no rush to have any sort of ring on my finger or to have morning sickness or confront dirty diapers.
But sometimes there is this stupid, irrational voice, filled with conservative society's judgmental ideology that tells me that by the time I get married at the ripe old age of 35 I will be rendered infertile as a punishment from the Gods because of having premarital sex and just waiting too damn long.
But, it's late, and I am late to getting to bed.
The thing is that I feel like I am somehow being left behind when I look at my FaceBook feed and I see all the updates about engagements, trimesters starting or ending, weddings, infants rolling over, toddlers being, well toddlers. And it's fine, it really is. But I feel like I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. I think I might be one of 4 girls in my year that isn't engaged or married or with child.
Ok, that is a bit of an exaggeration.
But even on here, if you click the 'next blog' link you will, almost always, stumble upon family or mommy blogs. Which is fine, but where are the rest of us women who aren't there yet? I am enjoying this scenic route even though if I feel a bit guilty that I haven't produced an heir.
But I feel like I am, some how, falling behind. In life. Like I am not moving fast enough. Or that the 21 year old girl who is married with a newborn is somehow having a more fulfilling life than me. Or at least I think that is how traditional society wants me to feel. However, I am in no rush to have any sort of ring on my finger or to have morning sickness or confront dirty diapers.
But sometimes there is this stupid, irrational voice, filled with conservative society's judgmental ideology that tells me that by the time I get married at the ripe old age of 35 I will be rendered infertile as a punishment from the Gods because of having premarital sex and just waiting too damn long.
But, it's late, and I am late to getting to bed.
